This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
