Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
