drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
