Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
