Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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