You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
