You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
