i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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