Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
