This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
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