Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
