What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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