you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Verdict: uncircumcised.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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