So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
