She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just invented taco cereal.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
