she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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