And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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