im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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