I don't remember. Are we still dating?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
