I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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