i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
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