i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Randomize
