I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
