I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
