A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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