Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
