i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm too high and old for this...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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