He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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