I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I didn't notice because vodka
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
