she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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