Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
