I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
