I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
