So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
