Nicole vs. Life
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i drank out of a bidet.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
