I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
