high people should be assigned attendants
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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