My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
