Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
