the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
