I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
