We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
