My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
