Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
