loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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