well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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