no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
