I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
