The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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