Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
