yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
