Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
