I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
