Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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